Being in love with two people at the same time

Hey guys and girls! Today’s post is going to be a little different. I’ve received an email from Cholé asking me for help, so I’ll try to help her out through this post. But before I start I need to do a little disclaimer: First, yes, I’ve asked Chloé if I could post the email she sent me and she agreed. And second, I’m writing this post without going through this myself. I’m that kind of person who falls hard for one person and just go “love-blind” all the way. Third, this will be a long post so grab a snack and a tea and relax while reading through! And if by any chance you want to talk to me you can either go to my social media like Twitter, Instagram or even Facebook or send me an email to talktoella@gmail.com! I’m looking forward to listen from you.
So, now that I’ve said my little disclaimer, here we go:

“Hello Ella! Ever since I’ve read your first post 50 things about you, I think we’re very similar as I also love Harry Potter, Disney, have anxiety (it sucks!), and so on, so I’m asking you for help: I think I’m in love with two men at the same time. Is that even possible? Or am I just being a silly billy? One is my boyfriend of 3 years and the other is a classmate. We spend a lot of time talking even out of college. We have the same tastes and the same aspirations. What should I do? Should I just end my relationship and try this one instead? I think it’s unfair to my boyfriend who does not know anything about this guy and whom I love very much. Please help! Thanks for everything and keep your bubbly personality, you’re so funny! Love from a Parisian living in London XX

P.S. When will you start youtube?

Chloé”

Before I start to answer, thank you Chloé for reaching out to me in a time of need! 🙂 I’m starting YouTube really soon but you guys can start subscribing so you’ll be the first ones to know when I post! 🙂

Now down to the subject:

Being in love with two people is something that can happen when you least expect it. You’re with someone you love and in the place you least expect you meet someone one that makes you feel something that you shouldn’t feel, because you’re already in love with someone else.

That’s when everything you think you know starts to be questioned. You feel guilty as something inside you is going wild and it’s very confusing. You interact with this person on a daily basis and you feel yourself falling, hard. It’s an emotional roller-coast.

That line in infidelity may or may not be crossed. Or depending on how you look at it, you’ve already crossed it. When you sit down and get honest with yourself, you admit that you are in love with two people. It shouldn’t happen, and you can’t even understand how it did, but it did.

So, now what? Fist I have to highlight some points:

Is it really possible for me to love two people or am I just being a silly billy?

1

If you’re a human, and I’m assuming you are, then the answer is pretty simple: Yes, it is. Although is not a “common” thing, being in love with two people at the same time is possible, especially if you’re polyamorous. But even if you’re not polyamorous this can happen too. Being in love with someone (or having a crush on someone, whatever suits you better) is different of loving someone. You can totally have a crush without loving someone. It’s something that can be solely physical but usually it is something that mixes both things: a great physical attraction and a great psychological attraction as well.

Is it dangerous for me to be in love with someone else?

2

The feeling itself is not dangerous but your actions can be. You can’t choose to be in love with someone but you can choose what you’re doing about it. See where am I going here?

Then how do I choose?

3

That’s a tricky one. You have to follow your heart. I could go on a *Insert any women’s magazine here* vibe and have a flowchart helping you. I would love to do that, but unfortunately it would end up being something like this:

Untitled Diagram

So the only actually piece of advice that I have to give is: overcome any lust you might have. If you’re in love with someone else maybe you’re lacking something on your current relationship. Perhaps something sexual? Choosing means you get to be honest about what you want in life and how a partner will fit into those plans. This second person might be a better fit for where you’re going in life but it all depends on what you are truly looking for.

Cholé case:

In my opinion you must start by talking to your partner. If you feel that what you’re doing is unfair to him, then it probably is. Talk to him and share how you truly feel. Being honest is the best thing you can do to help your relationship. The next step might be for you to get your priorities straight. What do you want in life? Does your partner fit in the life you want to build for you? Are you missing something in the relationship? If so, what? Could you work it out? Do you even want to work it out?

I hope that this post has helped not only Chloé but also any of you that might be going through something similar.
Again, if you want to talk to me you can go over my Twitter, Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat (@ellaivoire on all of them) and DM me. You can also send me an email to talktoella@ellaivoire.com

See you guys next time,
*hugs*

71 Comments

  1. Jane Rosewood

    8 August, 2016 at 13:50

    That’s a tough one..quite a dilemma. I wish I had a solution for you, unfortunately I don’t..
    Thank you for sharing.

  2. Noah

    7 August, 2016 at 9:43

    I don’t know if that could really happen to me, love is black and white to me

  3. Zena's Suitcase (@zenas_suitcase)

    2 August, 2016 at 19:06

    I think you’ve really helped Chloe get a handle on the situation here, and I hope she’s found this useful. I can only imagine how torn she must feel

  4. Kara AWNTY

    1 August, 2016 at 8:59

    I think it is more common than people think but remember the grass isn’t greener on the otherside

  5. Louisa Mercado (@2livelovelaugh5)

    1 August, 2016 at 6:17

    After 17 years of marriage, the one thing I’ve learned is love is only tested when you have overcome a heart aching challenge. This girl may have feelings for her classmate but it may just be the feeling of wanting to try something new. If she has been with her boyfriend for 3 years they they have stuck through thick or thin. I hope she doesn’t just give up on that for a new feeling and being in a new relationship.

  6. Anamika Ojha

    1 August, 2016 at 3:15

    People say that love happens only once but I don’t agree with it! It can happen multiple times throughout anyone’s life. Most of the time, its infatuation and totally agrees with you that one need to follow their heart!

  7. Bettina Bacani

    1 August, 2016 at 2:14

    Since Chloe and her boyfriend have been together long, the relationship has already gotten predictable, that’s probably why having someone new can be exciting. It’s really important to think this through first and yes, you’re right, talk to the boyfriend and explain the situation. Maybe see how you can fix the relationship with him too.

  8. Ivelisse

    1 August, 2016 at 0:16

    Omg Harry Potter and Disney are my jam! Are you excited for the new Harry Potter book?

    Love,
    Ivelisse

  9. annalisanuttall

    30 July, 2016 at 17:55

    Sound like a tough decision. I wish you well and I hope you do follow your heart. xx

  10. Dani

    30 July, 2016 at 12:52

    Great post Ella! Thank you for sharing your knowledge. I can tell you truly put your heart into your posts! Keep up the good work!

  11. Lubka Henry (@lu_christova)

    30 July, 2016 at 8:31

    Hm… that’s a tricky situation. I’ve been there myself and it really was a painful place to be at. What I can say from my experience is, if that situation happens, it means you’re not fully in love with the first person, so the second one appears to fill a gap. It might be a gap in your emotions, in our intellectual interests, or something else.
    To be fair with everyone, and mostly with yourself, you need to pull yourself away for a little time and decide – which guy you see your future with, whom you can trust and which one is more of a best friend and who you’re really attracted to.
    The way it happened to me many years ago, was that one guy was more of the friend I never had, so I needed him to feel emotionally and intellectually better, but in reality, I could not see myself with him, his friends or family in the long term. I left it at a friendship level with him and it died out eventually. With the other guy it also ended a year or two later, as many things were missing from our relationship. Later, I found my real love and it is so strong, that nothing can appear in between.
    As they say… one day you just see why it never worked with anyone else 🙂

  12. Bernadette Angelie Pangilinan

    30 July, 2016 at 8:11

    This is a very tough situation to be in, something I wouldn’t want to be caught in the middle. But it’s inevitable for some. Great advice though! 🙂

  13. jennifer L

    29 July, 2016 at 19:14

    It’s definitely a tough situation to be in. I’ve never been in a similar one but open communication with a partner is def the right direction to figuring out a solution.

  14. DecoPix (@TiinaTibs)

    29 July, 2016 at 18:12

    Follow yoyr heart is the only answer! Well, not always – in a situation where someone is thinking should I stay or should I go – somtimes the sense wins and that’s the right answer as well.

  15. Carola

    29 July, 2016 at 17:41

    Tough situation! I’m glad I’ve never been in this situation. Seems very hard. You have given some great tips. Maybe indeed you find something that’s different from your relationship. Or maybe it’s just the feeling of being ‘head over heels’ in love with someone. Are you in love with the feeling or that person? Difficult! I’m not if I’d discuss it though.

  16. ROBERT LEE

    29 July, 2016 at 17:05

    Love. It can be complicated and in this case, that is … ok. Here are my thoughts. Love means being fair. In this case, while I do not agree nor disagree that a person could fall in love to two people at the same time, I think doing the right thing is a must. Be fair. I think anyone who reads this knows what I mean.

  17. Samantha C.

    29 July, 2016 at 15:27

    I’ve never encountered the same problem, primarily because I had this strong, independent woman mindset where I think I don’t need a man. I’m in a relationship now though, and I could hardly stand getting attention and feeling something for two different people. I’m very black and white when it comes to relationships

  18. Euge Nia

    29 July, 2016 at 15:14

    I never been in the situation like this, but I think everything can happen when you least expect it. I agree following your heart is very important. I hope your advice can helps Chloe

  19. fashionandstylepolice

    29 July, 2016 at 10:00

    Never been in this situation before but you have good advice here.

  20. Marta

    29 July, 2016 at 8:53

    Very relatable, and it’s very kind of you that you went through the subject so thoroughly to help somebody else with your advice. You are wonderful.

  21. Ana De Jesus

    29 July, 2016 at 8:45

    It is definitely possible, I have been in love with two people at the same time but the difference was neither of them knew and still don’t know to this day. When Io like someone I keep it a secret.

  22. Milton Coyne

    29 July, 2016 at 8:36

    wow that was a tough one.. i know a friend who went through the same situation… what she did is that she followed what her heart truly feels.. it was tough for her to choose but I guess she ended up with a right choice

  23. Anosa

    29 July, 2016 at 7:05

    It is totally possible to be in love with two people at the same time but like you said, it is the actions that you take that are important.
    Johnny Depp, is you truly loved the person you are with, you wouldnt have fallen for another person, so go with the second person. Don’t know if this is true for all but certainly was in my case.

  24. ashleigh Crump

    29 July, 2016 at 6:30

    Great advice, this is something that’s all too common. We don’t all just find our prince charming and ride off into the sunset 🙁

  25. Elizabeth O.

    29 July, 2016 at 4:28

    Wow! That’s a very complicated situation to be in. To be honest, I love how you answered the question, with an open mind and a very sound advice. I hope she overcomes this and finally decides what to do!

  26. Kat

    29 July, 2016 at 3:11

    Oh sure, it’s possible to love two people at the same time. Happens all the time. Though I think in this case it’s necessary for your reader to reflect and ask herself if it’s really love she feels toward the new guy or just infatuation for being with someone new. I agree that she should follow her heart. 🙂 The important thing is to be fair to both, so that means choosing one of them and sticking with that decision.

  27. Liz Mays

    28 July, 2016 at 22:51

    I think you gave some great answers. I agree with your final point. Communication with your partner is key!

  28. The Walking Map

    28 July, 2016 at 22:44

    I’m sure a lot of people run into this at one time or another.

  29. lifesmoments16

    28 July, 2016 at 21:32

    Yes, I do believe it’s possible to be in love with more than one person at a time. I do, however, believe in being married and loyal to one person. In the society we live in, it’s possible that she can have both guys in her life for a long time with them BOTH knowing about it until she truly figures out which one she wants for the lifetime ordeal. When you’re dating there is no rule that you have to be with one person unless you agreed to do that with the person you’re dating. That’s my two cents worth.

    Great post.

  30. Travel Pockets (@TravelPockets)

    28 July, 2016 at 21:31

    There was a time when I was in love with 2 people and it was such a tough choice! At the time, I think I made the wrong decision, but you just never know. Good luck to Chloe!!

  31. The Fomo Queen

    28 July, 2016 at 20:31

    Sounds like a tough situation. In the end though, we are all just human beings.

  32. tots2travel

    28 July, 2016 at 20:01

    Impossible situation. Impossible, impossible.

  33. Keely

    28 July, 2016 at 18:04

    What a difficult situation to be in, I hope Chloe can find a way through 🙂

  34. Ruxandra

    28 July, 2016 at 18:03

    This sounds like a situation where heart matters the most 🙂 Good luck!

  35. Tania Potter - Soul Sense Coaching

    28 July, 2016 at 17:52

    Tough position to be in and well done for giving some sounds advice to navigate the murky waters.

  36. sherina shamdasani

    28 July, 2016 at 17:36

    really nice read!! I think many of us can relate to this!!

  37. Izzie Anderton

    28 July, 2016 at 15:15

    All great advice for your friend. I hope that Chloe follows her heart x

  38. Lex

    28 July, 2016 at 15:08

    Your advice is spot on, loving two is just like fetching water and wasting it at the same time, its just a big waste.

  39. Cathy Glynn

    28 July, 2016 at 15:03

    I think this is great advice, life can be so hard at times and we will face many difficult situations along the way x

  40. queenBsdiary

    28 July, 2016 at 14:13

    I am hoping Chloe is going to find a way to listen to her heart. You really made an effort to help, but hard decisions are still waiting for her.

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 14:23

      Absolutely doll I just wish I’ve helped her a little bit!

  41. Sheila

    28 July, 2016 at 14:09

    It’s great to see an article like this. In reality this does happen so it’s nice to see this article address that. Great article.

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 14:10

      Thank you doll!

  42. dearmummyblog

    28 July, 2016 at 14:02

    Sounds like an emotional rollercoaster! We wouldn’t like to be in her shoes. Difficult decisions to make..hard times. I bet she feels giddy in love though 🙂

  43. clairejustine

    28 July, 2016 at 13:17

    I hope she sort it out soon as it must be playing on her mind so much. I agree I think being honest and talking will be a great place to start..

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 13:20

      Thanks for stopping by Claire! Talking is always a good place to start! xx

  44. Dean B

    28 July, 2016 at 11:29

    Sound advice! It’s an awful position to be in love with two people at the same times, especially since you wouldn’t want to hurt either of them. You are so right about just being honest about it. Everyone deserves to know the truth.

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 12:01

      You’re absolutely right Dean! No matter how much it hurt, honesty is the best policy! xx

  45. VanessaL

    28 July, 2016 at 11:28

    Eep that is a tough one! I agree it can be just like you’re looking for something outside of a current relationship when you think you “love” someone else….but the bachelorette makes it possible to love 2 people at the same time! hahah! good advice 🙂

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 12:00

      Hahaha thanks for stopping by Vanessa! X

  46. westcountrywildling

    28 July, 2016 at 10:36

    It’s definitely possible to fall in love with two people at the same time, human emotions aren’t simple. Great advice!

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 11:59

      Thanks doll! 🙂

  47. Jess Powell (Babi a Fi)

    28 July, 2016 at 10:22

    Love your advice here – it can be so confusing when you’re torn between two people.

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 11:58

      Yes it can Jess! Thanks for stopping by! xx

  48. Lydia

    28 July, 2016 at 1:38

    Great advice babe!!!! I loved reading this, excited to read more from your blog 💕

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 11:57

      Thanks doll!! You’re the bomb! 🙂

  49. lifewithamexican

    28 July, 2016 at 0:20

    Wow your advice is dead on. I think that at some point in all of our lives we can relate to this post whether we were in lust or actual love but either way it is a tough one when your feelings are involved.

    Great advice and best of luck to your friend. It is not an easy decision but like you said being honest is the best way to go but not the easiest.

    1. ellaivoire

      28 July, 2016 at 11:57

      Thank you love! Honestly honesty is not easy, but is worth it right? 😉

  50. xoxokleeblog

    27 July, 2016 at 23:49

    Awesome advice, lady. And on such a tricky subject! Love and luck to your friend.

    1. ellaivoire

      27 July, 2016 at 23:53

      Thank you! It means the world to me! XX

  51. The Daily Weekly

    27 July, 2016 at 23:25

    Hey such an emotional blogpost!!! I always salute those blogger who can write about emotional stuff

    1. ellaivoire

      27 July, 2016 at 23:27

      Thank you so much! That means a lot xxx

    1. ellaivoire

      27 July, 2016 at 23:26

      Thanks Jennifer! xx

  52. Sarah

    27 July, 2016 at 23:08

    Good blogpost, you’re sharing some great advice.

    1. ellaivoire

      27 July, 2016 at 23:11

      Thanks for stopping by! xx

  53. Maca

    27 July, 2016 at 22:34

    Loved how honest and sincere this post is. Nothing better than honestly and express your feelings with your loved one.
    Xo,
    Maca

    1. ellaivoire

      27 July, 2016 at 23:11

      So true Maca. Honesty is the best policy! X

  54. mikeshiangala

    27 July, 2016 at 21:52

    Mmmhhh awesome piece right here.

    1. ellaivoire

      27 July, 2016 at 23:09

      Thanks Mike 🙂

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